Life

Happy 2015!

And see ya later stupid stinky 2014!

Yes, I truly mean that. 2014 was the worst year of my life and it was all my fault.

WHY??

1. I worried too much

I worried far too much about what other people were doing, and what the consequences would be if I made certain life choices – and in the end – I didn’t do or decide anything! I didn’t go for a job I actually wanted (and was still jealous of everyone else’s) and it took me until the end of the year to accept that spending a ridiculous amount on rent for an amazing apartment is frivolous but it makes me SO HAPPY!

2. I didn’t give myself any goals or challenges

I didn’t strive for anything or even decide on anything that I wanted to achieve last year – so I ended up not achieving anything. And it’s the worst feeling.

3. I wasn’t selfish enough

And lastly, I didn’t dedicate enough time for myself, and I didn’t make enough selfish decisions. I also spent 2014 thinking about what everyone else wanted or needed from me, which is great, but not when it comes at the sacrifice of my own needs. You can’t make anyone else happy, if you aren’t making yourself happy. You just end up feeling resentful.

I actually have a long mental (and physical) list of things I want to achieve. Some are big lifetime dreams, others are far smaller and I may not be able to achieve all of them this year, but here is my list in progress.

1. Learn how to drive

2. Join a sports team

3. Open a savings account and save at least £5,000 this year

4. Redecorate two rooms in my mum’s place

5. Plan myself bi-weekly Chinese lessons with my amazing friend/tutor

6. Run 10k (I have never been able to run more than 3k eek)

7. Plan a trip and help my Uncle visit my family in Singapore

8. Start upcycling more clothes!

9. Go on a volunteering holiday

10. Visit Bath and Stonehenge Lake District!

11. Blog at least twice a month

12. Eat less meat and eat more Japanese-y

13. Finish a book each month

This list is to be revised, updated and added to. How will you make the most of 2015?

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Life

How do you choose your life career?

This is a question that barricades me every time I apply for a job. Every company, every role – I question – is this really for me?

I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, about how momentous it is to finish university and decide the next step. I spent my final year at university envious of those around me who had secured their graduate job – who knew exactly what is was that they wanted to do. Now I’m spending my post-graduation disorientated, stressed because I still haven’t figured it out.

I remember being around 9, I’d told my mother absolutely that I wanted to be an air hostess. I knew it meant I could fly all the time (which I loved doing more than anything). I knew it also meant I could travel all over the world – constantly able to see new places, try new foods, and spend my time floating in a pool somewhere exotically hot – it sounded like utter perfection.

It wasn’t until I was little older (let’s say 14) that I realised being an air hostess wouldn’t be economically feasible if I were to have the lifestyle I’d envisioned (which had happened someone along the way to becoming 14 and materialistic – I had expensive taste beyond my means).

Other than this, I can’t remember any other time where I was sure what I wanted to be. I just knew it would be something impressive. With my parents’ constant encouragements (and fierce Asian schooling) – I had learnt that to do well in life, I had to do well in school.

Fast forward eight years, and I had upheld my end of the deal. I’d done well in school. But I wasn’t any closer to doing well in life – because I never made a step moving closer to knowing what that ‘impressive’ would mean for me.

In the last month, I have successfully reached the final stages of interviews for two companies. Not one, but two. And with these two companies, I had been rejected at those very last stages – so close to becoming employed – because they had both felt that I didn’t want the job enough. Excuse me? I’m applying for the job aren’t I? Is that not wanting it enough for you?

That’s what I would say if it were the truth – but they had seen right through me. I didn’t want the job, either of them, despite going through the hours of application and assessment it took to even get to that stage. I had applied for those jobs because I needed a job – not because I wanted it.

I couldn’t make that mistake again. I couldn’t let myself down because of something as trivial as ‘not wanting the job enough’. From my understanding, being a recession graduate (don’t get me started the UK’s economy and it’s inability to do anything other than crumble further) I always knew that getting a job would be hard. But I don’t think I would have ever imagined it to be this hard.

I’ll leave this post with me scouring the internet, undertaking quiz after quiz of ‘career planning’ tests in hopes of becoming enlightened to what occupation I will want enough. I have the feeling I will touch upon this topic again soon – a topic that I think about every morning I wake up to start my job hunt again.

Me, at 9, not knowing my future career dilemmas

Me, at 9, not knowing my future career dilemmas. Yes – I had a very fat face.

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