This is a question that barricades me every time I apply for a job. Every company, every role – I question – is this really for me?
I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, about how momentous it is to finish university and decide the next step. I spent my final year at university envious of those around me who had secured their graduate job – who knew exactly what is was that they wanted to do. Now I’m spending my post-graduation disorientated, stressed because I still haven’t figured it out.
I remember being around 9, I’d told my mother absolutely that I wanted to be an air hostess. I knew it meant I could fly all the time (which I loved doing more than anything). I knew it also meant I could travel all over the world – constantly able to see new places, try new foods, and spend my time floating in a pool somewhere exotically hot – it sounded like utter perfection.
It wasn’t until I was little older (let’s say 14) that I realised being an air hostess wouldn’t be economically feasible if I were to have the lifestyle I’d envisioned (which had happened someone along the way to becoming 14 and materialistic – I had expensive taste beyond my means).
Other than this, I can’t remember any other time where I was sure what I wanted to be. I just knew it would be something impressive. With my parents’ constant encouragements (and fierce Asian schooling) – I had learnt that to do well in life, I had to do well in school.
Fast forward eight years, and I had upheld my end of the deal. I’d done well in school. But I wasn’t any closer to doing well in life – because I never made a step moving closer to knowing what that ‘impressive’ would mean for me.
In the last month, I have successfully reached the final stages of interviews for two companies. Not one, but two. And with these two companies, I had been rejected at those very last stages – so close to becoming employed – because they had both felt that I didn’t want the job enough. Excuse me? I’m applying for the job aren’t I? Is that not wanting it enough for you?
That’s what I would say if it were the truth – but they had seen right through me. I didn’t want the job, either of them, despite going through the hours of application and assessment it took to even get to that stage. I had applied for those jobs because I needed a job – not because I wanted it.
I couldn’t make that mistake again. I couldn’t let myself down because of something as trivial as ‘not wanting the job enough’. From my understanding, being a recession graduate (don’t get me started the UK’s economy and it’s inability to do anything other than crumble further) I always knew that getting a job would be hard. But I don’t think I would have ever imagined it to be this hard.
I’ll leave this post with me scouring the internet, undertaking quiz after quiz of ‘career planning’ tests in hopes of becoming enlightened to what occupation I will want enough. I have the feeling I will touch upon this topic again soon – a topic that I think about every morning I wake up to start my job hunt again.